Michael Moore recently published a letter on his website titled "A Liberal's Pledge To Disheartened Conservatives." I don't know if he thinks this reads like a "bridge-building" effort, showing that liberals are uniters and not the dividers that they claim conservatives to be, but to me it reads like a smarmy self-congratulation dripping with condescension. Further, Michelle Malkin has reported that it may have been (in part) plagiarized. That's not my prime concern, although that is funny if it's true. My concern is the tone of the discourse; once again, a liberal viewpoint is delivered with a smug attitude that suggests that liberals know our problems and concerns better than we ourselves do. And one can't help but notice the megalomaniacal "we're in power now" undercurrent that suggests these liberals are neglecting the fact that politicians in Washington make the decisions about these issues, not the 17,000+ liberals who have so far signed the petition.

With that in mind, I would like to give them my answer to some of their pledge points:

A Conservative's Rebuttal To Condescending Liberals
A Response to A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives

Moore writes:
"We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you 'unpatriotic' simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us."

You may not call us unpatriotic, but are you going to continue to call us "stupid?" When we dissent and disagree with you, are you going to continue to throw food at us, and make statements like "No free speech for fascists?" Should we redefine the word patriotic so that it includes going to foreign countries and saying that you are ashamed of the President, or that the "dumbest Brit... is smarter than the smartest American?"

"We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be 'different' or 'immoral.'"

How about a pig? Can I marry a pig? How about a ferret? I actually would find that to be pretty offensive. Certainly "immoral."

"We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you."

No, I suspect you'll spend it on your ideology of socialistic income redistribution. We know you would like to see the tax cuts repealed. Then you will spend our money on your utopian ideal, because you sure seem to think you know better how to spend it than we.

"When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie."

When you bring our sons and daughters home, you neglect the fact that the war comes with them. You won't have to send our kids off to war, because they'll be able to fight it from home!

"Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you."

There you go again. This shows that you seem to have a huge misunderstanding about the nature of the enemy we face. Your reference to a "mass murderer," and your statement "bringing him to justice" shows that even though you pledge to protect us, you can't. You talk about this as if it's some law enforcement issue, where once the perpetrator is caught, problem solved. You act as if we caught Osama bin Laden, we can call this whole thing over and done with, and just get on with our lives. You routinely disregard actual statements made by the enemy and dismiss them as some kind of Rovian propaganda. With that in mind, I think I'll politely disagree with you on that last statement. I have sincere doubts that you will be able to protect us.

"When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too."

I have no doubt that you will. For me, it would mean a tremendous pay cut, but with your deft handling of the economy and increased taxation, I'm sure I will feel like I'm making minimum wage. If this income redistribution plan of yours ultimately works, nobody will have to excel at anything. Motivated individuals and slackers alike will have guaranteed income equalization, so nobody has to put in an extra effort anymore. At least you state there at the end that you are going to pay my employees for me, maybe I can recoup some of my losses that way.

"We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism."

I am sure that will include denying the rights of the many over the wants of a few. How many more communities are going to have to have a long-standing monument removed, or be told they can't say 'Merry Christmas' in the public square? Every time I hear liberals talk about respect for religious beliefs, it's usually in conjunction with telling someone they can't do or say something.

"We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST."

Putting John Murtha up for House Majority Leader was a bad start. At least he was denied the position.

"We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one."

When the Republicans controlled Capitol Hill, you were going out and disparaging our intelligence, writing books and making movies that called us liars while rearranging facts to fit your ideology, throwing pies, and denying free speech by shouting people down and trying to intimidate them. You perpetuated the "us and them" mentality, and tried to sabotage everything a conservative or Republican did, and insulted us the entire time. And now you want to reach across the aisle and make up? I don't think so. The bad behavior on your part cannot be simply swept under the rug. It won't be forgotten. An elephant never forgets.